THE CHOPRA TORTURE CHAMBER:-
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I can’t imagine I wasted precious blog space on ‘tHiS’. More than a passage, it’s a warning --“Chopra Academy” it is- located at one of the ‘more’ inhuman ends of Vashi plaza. (Classified: inhuman, more inhuman). The sun may be at its zenith outside, but as you enter, you’re blindfolded by the darkness. It’s brighter in there at night thanks to partially working tube lights and flickery bulbs.
This is how you get there – First, as you enter, while it isn’t all that dark, think of a number between 1 and 12. If you’re lucky, that’s the number of steps to climb to get to a paan painted corridor between the two floors. By a pack of biscuits or some rusk to feed the sleeping stray dogs on your way up. Do this 4 times till you get to the second floor- that’s where ‘death’ class is located. Getting there reminds my of those ‘blood line’ levels of a Max Payne game.
If you get there in a single piece without bruises and canine bite marks, praise the lord. There a turnip shaped queue the welcomes you. Turnip shaped: Bloated at the top and gets thin towards the end. If you’re a few seconds late, you’re a mere strand of hair on the root. The 150 odd chaps get into the room that can’t hold more than 80. I’d kill to find place in there. But never fear if you can’t. There’s this irritating peon who takes a run up and head butts you so you’re shoved in. A can of worms this class is.
Once you’re in, you’re in. for a clear 5 hours. Just when you think the class is jammed and air tight with human matter, there’s a group of 7 waiting outside for a place. The peon forces his way in with a pile of wooden planks and makes an announcement for those turning or stretching or looking at the chap beside them - look straight ahead n stay still. Your innocent moves could cost the guy 4 seats away his life. The planks are inserted between two rows and there’s life on them too- not 1 but 2 souls. This reminds me of that ‘statue’ game we used to play when we were kids. You thought that was stupid? No sir. Those experiences are helping now.
…….AND THE LECTURE BEGINS.
F**k those weight loss programs. You’re squeezed to shape in here and also er subconsciously taught your subject. I can’t quite think of a positive more. The very thought of that class is painful and traumatic….
PS: If you’re wondering how I took that snap, I was on the phone while entering so I couldn’t reach my pocket for the next few hours. The rest is history ..
I can’t imagine I wasted precious blog space on ‘tHiS’. More than a passage, it’s a warning --“Chopra Academy” it is- located at one of the ‘more’ inhuman ends of Vashi plaza. (Classified: inhuman, more inhuman). The sun may be at its zenith outside, but as you enter, you’re blindfolded by the darkness. It’s brighter in there at night thanks to partially working tube lights and flickery bulbs.
This is how you get there – First, as you enter, while it isn’t all that dark, think of a number between 1 and 12. If you’re lucky, that’s the number of steps to climb to get to a paan painted corridor between the two floors. By a pack of biscuits or some rusk to feed the sleeping stray dogs on your way up. Do this 4 times till you get to the second floor- that’s where ‘death’ class is located. Getting there reminds my of those ‘blood line’ levels of a Max Payne game.
If you get there in a single piece without bruises and canine bite marks, praise the lord. There a turnip shaped queue the welcomes you. Turnip shaped: Bloated at the top and gets thin towards the end. If you’re a few seconds late, you’re a mere strand of hair on the root. The 150 odd chaps get into the room that can’t hold more than 80. I’d kill to find place in there. But never fear if you can’t. There’s this irritating peon who takes a run up and head butts you so you’re shoved in. A can of worms this class is.
Once you’re in, you’re in. for a clear 5 hours. Just when you think the class is jammed and air tight with human matter, there’s a group of 7 waiting outside for a place. The peon forces his way in with a pile of wooden planks and makes an announcement for those turning or stretching or looking at the chap beside them - look straight ahead n stay still. Your innocent moves could cost the guy 4 seats away his life. The planks are inserted between two rows and there’s life on them too- not 1 but 2 souls. This reminds me of that ‘statue’ game we used to play when we were kids. You thought that was stupid? No sir. Those experiences are helping now.
…….AND THE LECTURE BEGINS.
F**k those weight loss programs. You’re squeezed to shape in here and also er subconsciously taught your subject. I can’t quite think of a positive more. The very thought of that class is painful and traumatic….
PS: If you’re wondering how I took that snap, I was on the phone while entering so I couldn’t reach my pocket for the next few hours. The rest is history ..
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